(no subject)

[weeabird]

[Welp, you got sent up to the big house, possibly on trumped up charges. Probably, really, considering how ridiculously corrupt the court system is. Oh well! Whatcha up to? Hanging out at the cafeteria? Training your new animal partner? Weeping over your existential angst as your hair turns white?

Also prison is now co-ed. Look, there's a lot of overcrowding, okay? There are just so many criminals. You should all be ashamed of yourselves.]

Comments

GROUP THERAPY- feel free to hop in whenever

[thefaceofjustice]

[Bobby is not a prisoner! But he is in the prison, standing at the end of a circle of folding chairs in the pet grooming room.]

Hello, everyone! Looks like the usual guidance counselor is home sick with a hangover, so I'll be the substitute for today! I look forward to sharing my experience with rehabilitating Prosecutor Blackquill with even more prisoners! In justice we trust!

How about we start with some introductions? I'm Bobby Fulbright, detective of the LAPD! Now everyone else give your name and what you're in for.

[weeabird]

[nope]

[fragrantcoffee]

[ ...No. ]

[thefaceofjustice]

[Someone must have a pet cricket in here.]

All right then, moving on! Does anyone have anything they'd like to share about this week? If not, we could move ahead to activities... I was thinking we could all hold hands.

[weeabird]

[absolutely not]

[cardboard_journalism]

[at least the prison let her keep her box, it was like her own mobile solitary confinement cell]

Sss, sss, sss, sss. Sounds like you missed your true calling to be a kindergarten teacher, y'screw.

[staunton]

[ To the surprise of absolutely no one: ]

I'd rather play chess.

[murimurimuri]

...I'd like to sit this one out, if that's okay.

[thefaceofjustice]

Come on, I insist. We'll make progress by getting all of our feelings out.

Now how do you all feel about being locked up here?

[weeabird]

Taka has a feeling he'd like to share with you.

[thefaceofjustice]

Yes, Taka? What is it?

[weeabird]

[Taka's feeling involves shrieking and talons.]

[thefaceofjustice]

[BOBBY'S INVOLVE YELPING AND PROTECTING HIS FACE.]

[cardboard_journalism]

Sss. What do we need to do to get one of those fancy cells some of the prisoners seem to have?

Is the answer "shank someone"? 'Cause that seems to be the answer.

[thefaceofjustice]

[Did you know that all AA prisoners have a shock bracelet for keeping them out of trouble? Well now you know, because Bobby is pressing a remote that sends a jolt of electricity to everyone in the group.]

There, I hope that gives all of you some incentive to participate.

...And I'll make a note for the warden to confiscate pens and other pointy implements from Ms. Scuttlebutt.

[cardboard_journalism]

KAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHK!

[cardboard_journalism]

[down she goes like a light-- a light that erupted into sparks, that is]

Sss, sss, sss... it was one of those... y'know... hypothetical questions!

[weeabird]

[I WAS PARTICIPATING, DAMN YOU]

[murimurimuri]

[drops like a waif]

[fragrantcoffee]

[ SIZZLING INTENSIFIES ]

...NNNN--!

[ well shit. there goes his cup of coffee, all over the floor. wtg Foolbright. ]

What the hell kind of... incentive... was that...??

[thefaceofjustice]

[Glances around at all the sizzling inmates.]

...Hmm, was that setting too high?

[fragrantcoffee]

You may wish to ensure you didn't just kill one of your inmates, Detective.

[ That guy over there with the monkey kinda looks super dead. Yes, Godot already has more coffee. ]

[murimurimuri]

[Maybe if I play possum I can go nap in the nurse's office—I mean. Oh noooo I'm deaaaad. Deaaaaaaaaaad.]

[cardboard_journalism]

Sss, sss, sss.

"Local Prison Bobby shocks prisoner to death! Regrets that he may have put the setting 'too high'."

[weeabird]

I am deeply distraught over the naughty monkey's tragic end. I request to be excused in order to mourn him privately in my "fancy" cell.

[thefaceofjustice]

Whaaaat??? This never happened before! Hang on, I know CPR!

[RUSHES OVER TO THE SHORTER SIMON. ...If he continues playing dead, he's going to wind up getting mouth-to-mouth resuscitation.]

[murimurimuri]

[Surely if he knows CPR then he'll check for a pulse or respiration first! Surely!]

[thefaceofjustice]

[That would require some level of competency that Bobby doesn't possess.]

[murimurimuri]

[Keyes' eyes shoot open and he flails wildly. Good job Dr. Fulbright, you fixed him.]

[cardboard_journalism]

...

[ker-FLASH!]

[weeabird]

[(*≧▽≦)ﾉｼ)) wwwwwwwwwwwww]