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simon keyes

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[This one is dedicated to all the peeps who've met that special someone: The guy you can bring home to murder everyone you don't like and maybe one or two of the people you do. You haven't decided yet. But now is not the time of murdering, it's the time of hanging out watching TV shows made for children with a bunch of hoarded animals and eating shitty takeout burgers and/or ramen.]

Global Hero Onyankopon could kick Steel Samurai's ass, though.

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I think I have an extra collar somewhere around here~♪

[Sitting up and peering over the back of the shitty futon.]

If it has a little bell, I'm all for it.

[ Travis' Innate Ability: Getting a boner at ANY MOMENT. And here it is. ]

Found it!

[Leans over the back to try and get it, and when he can't reach it, has a chipmunk bring it to him.]

[ Gets right up on the futon like an obedient animal, too, sitting there and waiting. ]

[Puts it on him and give the bell a little tap.]

There.

[ Looks a little too excited, and flops like a big dumb dog into Simon's lap. ]

[Snaps his fingers and points to the ground.]

Down, boy.

[ Has to take a second to decide if he really wants to play that much of the game, but sighs and complies. ]

[Puts his feet up]

[ I HAVE GIVEN THIS ASSHOLE TOO MUCH POWER IN THE HEAT OF THE MOMENT ]

[Chuckles to himself and turns up the TV a little.]

[ Whatever, he'll find a big fluffy animal to cuddle with, since he's apparently on the same level as them now. Dick. ]

[Oh no, that's even more hilarious.

Ordering a chipmunk to sit on his head.]

[ It's just a chipmunk; he's been in worse situations. So he just makes a cat noise and carries on. ]

[A couple of birds for his back. Why not?]

[ Huffs, irritated. ]

I'm gonna turn into a tiger and eat your entire co-worker menagerie, and you're gonna be fucked. In the unfun way.

Edited 2015-02-13 04:21 (UTC)

[Dismisses the menagerie.]

Turn into a tiger and you can come back up here.

I can't on command. I can do a lot of things on command, but hulk out and turn furry? No.

Hm? How do we make it happen?

I'm not gonna tell you, 'cause it's none of your damn business.

Does that mean you don't know either?

You want a pet, you're gonna have to take this trash of a man. That's why I'm here, right? You could have said no.

Fair enough.

[Crossing his legs.]

You can be my pet just like you are.

That's what I thought, you yandere.

[ Hops up and lies his torso across Simon's lap, lying on his side. Hint: STILL A BONER THERE. ]

[Pets his hair idly and glances over at that boner.]

I can't help it. I hardly ever get to bully anybody anymore, and you're such a good sport about it.