Shelly and Simon's Most Excellent Road Trip

[murimurimuri]

[And so begins the glorious tale of a couple of murderers trying to find the mutual acquaintance that keeps them from trying to kill each other. All they've heard is that Dogen went to retire somewhere in the mountains, and that likely means they have a long search ahead...]

You wanna stop for burgers or something?

Comments

[dekillerqueen]

That may depend on what your standards for hamburgers are.

[Part of him wouldn't really MIND Simon ending up with food poisoning, but in fact, Shelly's aware he would probably end up taking him to the hospital himself merely out of a sense of obligation. Damn you, Dogen.]

[murimurimuri]

I was just thinking whatever fast food place is at the next exit...

[Some of us like fast food, okay!]

[dekillerqueen]

In that case, allow me to inspect the kitchen first.

[murimurimuri]

Are you telling me you're just going to waltz into the kitchen of whatever place I pick?

[dekillerqueen]

... I'm certain it wouldn't be particularly difficult.

[murimurimuri]

That's entirely beside the point. What are you going to do if it's not up to your high-and-mighty standards?

[dekillerqueen]

In that case, we should find another place. And perhaps notify the authorities, depending on how dire the situation is.

BEGIN THE WRECKENING

[dekillerqueen]

[OKAY, THEY JUST SAW BODY DOUBLES HANGING OUT WITH DOGEN AND SHIT IS SUPER AWKWARD RN]

[Well, they certainly found Dogen in the mountains.

They also found another Simon and another Shelly happily spending their day with him - at which point (and presumably after SOME staring) they fled back to the car.

Shelly, for one, doesn't know how to react. His mind is still trying to catch up with what he saw, and though he's doing his best not to let his state of mind show, the truth is he looks quite a bit paler than usual.]

... S... So.

Re: BEGIN THE WRECKENING

[murimurimuri]

[Simon's knuckles are white on the wheel. He's all business right now.]

Do you think they saw us?

[dekillerqueen]

I can't say for certain, but... I doubt it.

I... That is to say, my double... [Or... God, how is he going to refer to the people they saw?] ... Had he seen us, he wouldn't have let us escape.

[murimurimuri]

If it were me, I'd have let us go. I'd hunt us down later, when our guard is down.

[Driving slightly too fast.]

[dekillerqueen]

... A riskier, if more cowardly course of action. Of course you would do such a thing.

[Lashing out to hide the JITTERS. Such is the Shelly way.]

[murimurimuri]

It's called being thorough! You'll never figure out what's going on if you just murder people outright like a hair-trigger lunatic!

[We're all a little jittery right now.]

[murimurimuri]

[Our heroes have a plan! What could possibly go wrong?

Well, the car could break down before they reach civilization, leaving them stranded on a road nobody seems to actually travel. They could hike down the mountain until it gets too dark to see and have to set up camp in the woods. Those things could happen.]

[dekillerqueen]

[For the record, this day only ranks above The Day When He Found Out Matt Engarde Was Garbage and The Day He Found Out Simon Keyes Was Playing Him in Shelly's personal list of Awful, Terrible, No-Good Days because he found out he's not even the real De Killer.

He's making a nice, safe fire right now.]

[murimurimuri]

[Is this day even in Simon's top ten? It's a tough call. There are a lot of bad days when one is Simon Keyes. And for his part, he's just moping. Once there are no more schemes to scheme, he doesn't have a lot left to do.]

You camp?

[He's not even making fun. He's just filling the silence.]

[dekillerqueen]

[It doesn't matter if it's mockery or small talk - Shelly's reply would be just as curt either way.]

No.

[murimurimuri]

[Welp, better keep on talking anyway.]

I've slept outside plenty of times, but never where bears or mountain lions were a concern. Even I can't train a bear that's mauling me in my sleep.

[dekillerqueen]

... We should take turns.

[murimurimuri]

[It's morning, and Simon has given up on acquiring anything like a reasonable amount of seep. At the moment, he's trying to lure over a squirrel. Hopefully to get it to give him some nuts or do his hair or something instead of like, wanting to eat it, but hey, you never know with this guy.]

[dekillerqueen]

[As it happens, Shelly's spirit may be somewhat broken, but he's still oddly concerned.

About that squirrel, that is.]

... What are you doing?

[murimurimuri]

Shh. I'm trying to get that squirrel to come over here.

[Makes kissy noises and exudes Disney princess aura.]

[dekillerqueen]

[... See, that's not a comforting answer at all.]

I can see that. Why are you doing it?

[murimurimuri]

To see if it can find us some breakfast, what do you think?

[Here, squirelly squirelly squirelly]

[dekillerqueen]

[WELP that's what he was afraid of.]

Surely, there must be better options.